Bucket List

I have been thinking a lot about all of the things I want to do in my life.  (Three cancer scares in one year will make a person think about her mortality and all of the things she has left to do.)  So far, here's what I got...

Raise really awesome kids.
Skydive.
Sit on the lawn at Wimbledon
Write a book.
Start a restaurant.
Make that restaurant a college-town staple.
Record an album.
Front a band.
Travel Europe, Africa, and South America.
Visit all fifty states.
See the Northern Lights in person.
Go to cooking school.
Sing the National Anthem at a professional sporting event.
Grow a garden and live off the fruits (and vegetables) of my labor.
Shave my head.
Buy a cake from Charm City Cakes.
Stomp grapes in Europe.
Go to the Olympics.
Brew my own beer.
Dance with Ellen.

This is a work in progress.

What do YOU want to do?  What is on YOUR bucket list?

Break-ups and Best Sellers

When one girl exits, another one walks in.  I figure if it is true for doors, it has got to work with women.

A few weeks ago (before the weird conversation) i had the revelation that Dylan wasn't IT.  I realized i was (now - am) getting bored.  Aside from being gay and having divorced parents....there is not a lot of common ground.  Our conversations are pretty much substance-less.  We have very different ideas of relaxation and fun.  I have tried to explain in many different ways what my job is and she just doesn't get it.

Here's how I know she's not IT:  She isn't an adventurous eater.  She doesn't like old movies.  She thinks FaceBook is worthless.  She doesn't listen to music when she drives (or ever, really).  She doesn't understand why activism is so important.  She chose Leno over Letterman.  She would rather have dogs than kids.  (This list could be longer...but I think y'all get my point.)

She was comforting when I was freaking out about Tyra.  She made me laugh....when we were tipsy.  She has tattoos and a motorcycle.  I like her dogs.  Sleeping with her was fun.  (I wish I could say that this list could be longer....but it really can't.)

So.......peace out Dylan.  It was great to get back in the game with you, but looking back - I know we were using each other for the same purpose.  We needed to gain some confidence after "being off the market" for so long.  I hope that I gave you some because I did get some of my mine back.  Good luck!

All hope is not lost....Enter, Maggie.  Maggie and I have some mutual friends and spent time together sporadically with said friends.  We exchanged phone numbers, friended each other on FaceBook, and eventually became friends without the need of the intermediary.  And then, without warning, she made my insides smile.  Maggie walked into my life without an agenda and the connection that I am feeling has developed organically.  I'm not totally sure where our story will go or how it will end, but I am hoping it'll be a best-seller.

The Recovery: from home

I am officially back in my own apartment!!  My post-op appointment was on Monday morning in Salem.  Bad-Ass Barbie was wonderfully happy with the outcome, my recovery, and the progress on my incision.

Tyra was just under 5" inches in diameter and a heavy little bugger!  Contrary to popular belief, she was NOT imbedded in the lining of my uterus.  Rather, she was hanging from a substantial blood supply off the front side of my uterus.  She was so big that she was hiding my uterus.  If you will remember from one of my earlier posts, Bad-Ass Barbie commented on the size of my uterus.  She did the same this appointment-but it was the opposite reaction.  Opening my up she saw that my uterus is not large like first thought...instead it's actually pretty small.

I was very lucky...the surgery that was scheduled to take about 2 1/2 hours and would leave me on the couch for weeks lasted under an hour and I was up and moving within a week.  Bad-Ass Barbie was sure that the surgery would include a lot of work to reconstruct my uterus and might leave me unable to be pregnant.  I was prepared to wake up without my reproductive system.  I was prepared to adopt all of my children.  I was prepared to find a counselor to help me deal with the potential grief i would feel when i had to give-up my dream of being pregnant and feeling my child move and grow inside me.  I got really lucky....i got to walk out of the hospital with all of my organs and dreams in tact.

At my post-op appointment, Bad-Ass Barbie signed off on my work release and set the officially set the Sarah-can-TOTALLY-go-back-to-life-date for December 1!!  Right now, i am allowed to drive and go back to school....starting December 1, I can go back to work and get back to working out.  I have been so anxious to start running again, to get back to Jillian Michaels' DVDs, and to get back on track with the weight loss journey.  I have been SO frustrated that I have been complacent and blaming Tyra for the back and forth, the up and down.  I am looking forward to get back to it.

Favorite Things: Music Edition

People....I love music and I love finding new artists and listening to new albums.  Here is a mix of all time favorites and favorites as of late.  True, many of these are established bands with a long list of albums under their belts...but they make my heart skip a beat and therefore have made the list.

Weezer - Raditude
The newest album! 

Gossip - Music for Men
So many songs on this album just make me dance ROCK out!! 

Rilo Kiley - Under the Black Light & The Execution of All Things
...i love them both so much

Athens Boys Choir - Jockstraps & Unicorns & Bar Mitzvah Superhits of the 80's, 90's and Today
I have a HUGE crush on Katz...I would TOTALLY make babies with him!  enough for the editorial - radical Trans Spoken Word Artist that I am (clearly) head over heels for!

Bitch & Animal - Eternally Hard
They aren't together anymore...but their albums are still in circulation!  Animal still tours with Ani and the like and makes me wicked happy!!

God-des & She - Stand Up
I am also head-over-heels for God-des...she's a white, lesbian, Jewish rapper from Wisconsin.  They make me happy.

Company of Thieves - Ordinary Riches
ps...they are wonderful live.  If you have the chance to see them live...you should.

Kate Nash - Made of Bricks
ALSO puts on a kick-ass show.  haven't heard from her in a while...I really hope she is still at it!

Erin McKeown - Sing You Sinners
She just signed with Righteous Babe Records and is, therefore, a notch higher on the cool scale!

KATastroPHE - Let's Fuck, Then Talk About My Problems
Radical Trans Hip-Hop artist!!

Tina Dico - Count to Ten

Noisettes - Wild Young Hearts

Owl City - Ocean Eyes

Debra Arlyn - Tomorrow Another Day
GREAT local artist that I think is going to make a splash soon!

Buchanan - All Understood
A very unknown band...and i am pretty sure they are no longer together, but the lead singers voice makes me SO happy!

Marit Larsen - I found this video a while ago and CAN NOT find her albums anywhere.  If anyone knows how i can get it (especially the song in the video) i would be so grateful!!

I mustn't leave out Ani DiFranco (my favorite live album), Tegan & Sara (newest release - Sainthood), or Lily Allen (It's Not Me, It's You - One of my favorite album titles)...they will make any list ever made by me...everyone should know them.  The end.

PLEASE leave me comments with suggestions.

Favorite Things: SNL Edition

I was watching some one my favorite SNL skits and thought it would be fun to put them in one location so i didnt have to search all over for them.  I hope you enjoy!

Mary Poppins

Latest Celebrity Jeopardy!

Celebrity Blogger....I am SO bummed that Lorne Michaels kicked her off!!

Mom Jeans!!

Lova...I laugh soooo hard every time I watch this.

Post-Op!

The appointment is on Monday at 9:45 am.

The healing is going really well...the tape is off, I am getting stronger, feeling better, and getting really antsy.  I have been able to take the dog on walks without wanting to pass out, do light household chores, and stay awake through the day.  There is still a weird, numb sensation around the incision and it is itching like crazy!  My doctor friend says that is a good thing, though!  I never had to take the Oxy Codone for pain (thank jeebus), as I was able to manage on the UberProphen they gave me (800mg).  My body is working hard at getting back to normal and i can tell that i am almost there!

Thanks for all of your good vibes, and support.  I have loved talking with you, reading your notes, and getting your packages...they make my days!

Tyra has left the building!!: the photos

Killing some time in the Pre-Op Room

 

Killing some more time in the Pre-Op Room

 

My Pre-Op nurse, Christie.

She tried to hook me up with the doc that she thought was going to be my Anesthesiologist.  She later learned who was actually going to be my Anesthesiologist and that he wouldn't have been my type anyways.

Anesthesiologist (L) and Bad-Ass Barbie (R)

I gave her hell for that hat....she changed it....i didn't need any bad luck in the room with me. 

And, clearly, the Anesthesiologist is not my type.

From the Recovery Couch: part 1

I am a few days out from surgery now and the recovery process is going well.  I have carved out a spot on my moms couch, stocked her kitchen with my food, and arranged my things within my reach and am prepared to heal.

I am managing my pain really well so I am not on the narcotic painkillers (thank goodness).  I was really worried about how i would react to them.  the side effects: headaches, nausea, and constipation. PASS!  I have been having enough problems regulating my digestive tract...i don't need help.  So, instead of the narcotic pain meds i am on uber-ibuprofen...advil on steroids.  It is doing the trick without doing a number on my insides. 

I have learned quite a few things about my body and just how important the core muscles are to everyday life.  having an eight inch incision in my abdominal muscles has changed my perspective on the majority of mundane, daily activities. coughing, sneezing, using the bathroom, walking, blowing my nose.....all difficult.  laughing....nearly impossible.  Luckily, there are are some things that are getting easier.  walking, getting in and out of chairs, sitting up, and stairs used to take me a long time and required a lot of time, patience, and focus.  these things are, however, getting easier each time i do them.

Some other revelations, lessons, and epiphanies so far:
- Eating swedish fish with cotton mouth is realllllly hard.
- Snuggies are wonderful.
- the blanket that kept me "safe" as a young child is still comforting.
- taking a shower is the best way to start feeling better.
- "it hurts so good" is a lie

As Simon & Garfunkle would say.....

I'm Homeward Bound!!  I just spoke with the doctor on call.  he checked me out and all is clear. 

Last night, after i took a little walk with Kristen my right arm and ribcage started feeling really sore.  When i took deep breaths in i get a sharp pain in my side and my arm is really heavy...like it is made of lead.  My nurses have been great helping me manage my pain and after listening to my lungs and feeling around, everyone, including the on-call doctor, is feeling good that my ribs are all in tact and that the soreness is from being moved and having my arm extended and secured during surgery. 

I had a lot of visitors last night!  Kristen was the first one to stop by.  She brought me some snickers and a Diet Dr Pepper....after i was wonderfully pathetic via text message.  It was so nice to have one of my besties to keep me company.  I was passed out when she got here so she sat patiently and waited for me to wake up.  As Kristen was here, Laura stopped by and we had a good conversation....we chatted about our experiences living Alliance (Kristen lived there with me our freshmen year and Laura lived there for her sophomore year...in Kristen's old room!). 

After a little bit, Laura left and my dad and step mom stopped by.....with a pound of red swedish fish!!  AWSOME!!  Kristen got to meet them and chat a little before she made her way back up North.  After Kristen left, we watched the Yankees win the world series and chatted about the surgery, the non-complications, and the recovery period.  It was really great to see them.  While they were here, I spiked a slight fever.  It took a while for it to break and go down so that got me a little freaked out, but it finally did.

Later on, Dave and Nicole came by....with an OSU snuggie!!!  It was wonderful to see them and to have a good laugh.....i hadn't had one in a while and it was so refreshing.  I can't wait to start sporting the Snggie....it will be epic.

Tyra has left the building!!

Great news friends! 

The fibroid is out and that is the only thing to be gone from my body.  My bladder and uterus are fine, surgery was nice and quick (about an hour), i am eating and drinking just fine, and the nausea is mostly non-existent.  Bad Ass Barbie is pretty hopefully that the healing will be easy and that i won't have complications during pregnancy and birth as a result of this surgery. :D

Before surgery, Bad Ass Barbie came into the pre-op room while I was using the restroom.  She was wearing a University of Oregon cap!  I guess my mom gave her some crap about it and told her that i would do the same.  Sure enough, i came back into the room, holding my IV bags in one hand and making sure my gown was together with the other, and said "Doc...i feel slightly betrayed."  We had a good laugh about it...and then she changed her cap. ;)

I just talked to the doctor on call.  He checked the surgery site, took off the dressing, stopped my morphine drip, starting some oral pain killers, and cleared me for discharge tomorrow around noon.  I am so excited to take a shower, sleep without nurses walking in and out, and eat food i want without having to order from a menu.

I am super lucky, though...my nurses have been great and I even managed to take pictures with finger mustaches!  (i'll post them when i get outta here).  Last night, one of my nurses, Olga, was taking me for a walk in the middle of SYTYCD and she got so enthralled!  it was precious.   I am so glad that we have wireless internet in the rooms so i can chat with friends, facebook, and update this sucker! There is only one awkward thing....there is a mentally unstable woman at the end of the hall who, every now and then, growls like a lion.  I have gotten used to it, however, and i am not longer startled when i wake up hearing that.

Thanks for all of your support during this whole ordeal.  I could tell that i had a community of people from around the country that were sending me love, good vibes, and positive energy my way yesterday and it was so comforting.

post-tyra!!

It's the Final Countdown!

I will be at the hospital in less than 12 hours....oy!  I got a lot done today: packing, cleaning, prepping my staff, and running errands all over town.  In all the hustle and bustle, I totally spaced school.  Crap in a bucket!  I wanted/needed to get a lot more done this weekend to get ahead, but that did not happen...at all.  Hopefully my teachers will be flexible...ugh.

In between packing and prepping, I spent some time with Dylan this weekend and it was WEIRD.  She was distant and all together uninterested.  Normally we can't keep our hands off of each other....she barely held my hand this weekend.  Our conversations were very surface level...until I had a mini meltdown.  Her mother invited herself along on nearly EVERYTHING we did.  I thought I was going to scream.  Finally, I had enough when, after we got back to her place from a Target run, after we decided we were going to take a nap, her mother got all excited about something and totally took Dylan's attention.  First off, her mother is really annoying and totally oblivious to what is going on around her.  Second, she drives me crazy.  Third, I needed some time with Dylan to talk about the weekend's weirdness.  I was entirely overwhelmed and at my breaking point.  Dylan was puttering with whatever her mother was trying to figure out and I leaned over and told her I was going to head out.  This caught her attention and after an initial calm-me-down moment we went to the other room, crawled in her bed, and stared at each other...it was obvious there was something going on for the both of us....something more than my surgery and her house. 

I don't remember who broke the tension or how the conversation started but we ended up talking about what we are doing and the direction we are headed.  I wish I remembered, in detail, more about the conversation...but what i can recount is that there was a lot of contradiction between word and action, a lot of standing up for myself, and at the end, a lot of unknown.  For a moment i thought that we were ending our....whatever we are doing....but then she leaned over to kiss me and said that I make her feel comfortable and totally free to be who she is.  In one breath she said that she spends too much time with me when she wanted to be dating and getting back in the "game."  In the next breath she asked when she could come to my mom's house to keep me company and take care of me. 

At the end of it all, I walked out of her house feeling confident that I stood up for myself yet totally confused.  I didn't have the energy, however, to try and figure it out.  Luckily, Katherine picked up her phone and she let me process. Thank God for lesbian besties.

The crappy part about it all (aside from having no idea where we stand)....we had this weird talk two days before major surgery with a recovery period that will render me incapable of doing much more than thinking about what i should have said and what she might be thinking. blech.

I'm not totally sure if I will have time to post before surgery tomorrow so if I don't here are some details...I am due at the hospital right before noon.  the actual surgery is scheduled for 2:20 PM and should take about 2 hours.  I will happily accept any positivity and good vibes you have to spare and are willing to send my way! 


Shalom!!!