The Plan: part two

Last night when i got home from work i was talking to dylan, chatting about the day and started getting nervous about the appointment this morning.  She said, "i'm ordering thai food....come over."  Even though it is a bit of a trip up to her house, getting distracted for the evening sounded perfect.  I was right.  a big bowl of yellow curry, puppies, watching a baseball game and lounging with Dylan was the greatest way to zone out and focus on the good in life.  This morning, Dylan made me a massive cup of coffee, walked me to my car, kissed me on my forehead and promised that everything would be ok. "Even if it's not," she said, "at least you will know what's next."  (she's a keeper, right?!)

The drive down to Salem was smooth and quick.  I listened to my new favorite song (Count to Ten by Tina Dico) about 97 times.  I had my notebook with questions written out, a magazine for the waiting room, and i was wearing the comfiest clothes i could find.  I checked in, got all settled in the waiting room, and was so glad to only have to wait about five minutes before hearing my name.  When the doc came in i was glad to see that she was not in bubble-gum pink this time.  Today, it was head to toe baby blue with her name beautifully embroidered on her shirt pocket.  She sat down, looked at me quite sincerely and said with a tinge of shock in her voice, "well, you have a massive thing in you!"  I made a few jokes about it and then she asked me if i wanted to ever be pregnant.  I didn't think that i would cry, but hearing her ask that question made the possibility that it might not ever happen for me more real and i got a little choked up.  The doc quickly assured me that she had no reason to think i would lose any of my ability to be pregnant but that delivery might, depending on how things go, be a little more difficult, but not impossible. 

The plan, upon walking out of the office, is to get these suckers out of me.  The doc could not tell from the ultrasound images how the fibroids (mainly the big one) are attached to my uterus.  There are a few options.  The best possible situation would be that they are growing like a pumpkin with a stalk coming from my uterus and then growing into rounds.  If this is the case, the fibroids can be removed (most likely) laparoscopically giving me a recovery time of about one week!!  But, if they are growing like bubbles from a bubble wand, they will (most likely) need to be removed with some more invasive surgery including uterine reconstruction if necessary.  This option will leave me with a recovery time of about 6 weeks and i will be risking damage to my uterus and might lose the chance to be pregnant.

Right now, the next step is to get referred to a reproductive endocrinologist to discuss options and schedule surgery.  My doc is fairly positive that since this is not an emergency (thank goodness), i won't get in before 8 weeks from now.  Hopefully the ball-of-fun doesn't grow too much more and i can continue to manage the pain and discomfort until then.

The Results

Well, kids, it's not ovarian (or any kind) of cancer!!!  HOLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEER!

Here's the skinny.  The fibroid (the official name for the ball-of-fun) is massive and pulling, pushing, and stretching my insides.  My left ovary, the one i was worried about, is healthy; just feeling the effects of the ball-of-fun as it moves in and unpacks it's things.

I walked out of the appointment with the next steps of a plan and, as soon as i wrap my head around it all, will let y'all know.

In Limbo

I have been, since August 3, talking with doctor-friends and doing research as i try to wrap my head around the gravity of the situation.  Here is what i can surmise....my chances of being pregnant are quite diminished.  This part is the hardest pill to swallow.  I am scared about cancer, but i am more upset about the thought of never being pregnant.  I have, for as long as i can remember, ached to be a mother.  I have fantasized about being pregnant....i know that i was put on this Earth to mother.  That is about the only thing i know for certain.  I don't know what i want to be when i grow up.  I don't know where i will be a year from now.  but i do know that i will be a mom someday.

Last week I got a fabulous letter from my doctor updating me on the results on the ultrasounds.  I am pleased to say that the uterine masses are (officially) not cancerous!!  I must admit that the sentence, "we will talk about the rest" does have me slightly on worried.  And then, I got a call to reschedule my 30 minute appointment to a full hour.  but now, my doctor's appointment is now less than 24 hours away and I am in this wonderful state of limbo.  It could be good (just removal of the fibroids), or it could be bad (total hysterectomy &/or cancer treatment).  I have done so good at keeping cal.  There have been minor break downs here and there, but for the most part i have remained positive and strong and flexible.  I am simply hoping that all of this positive thinking will bring a big pay-off.

Keep your fingers crossed.  I'll have an update tomorrow!