In Limbo

I have been, since August 3, talking with doctor-friends and doing research as i try to wrap my head around the gravity of the situation.  Here is what i can surmise....my chances of being pregnant are quite diminished.  This part is the hardest pill to swallow.  I am scared about cancer, but i am more upset about the thought of never being pregnant.  I have, for as long as i can remember, ached to be a mother.  I have fantasized about being pregnant....i know that i was put on this Earth to mother.  That is about the only thing i know for certain.  I don't know what i want to be when i grow up.  I don't know where i will be a year from now.  but i do know that i will be a mom someday.

Last week I got a fabulous letter from my doctor updating me on the results on the ultrasounds.  I am pleased to say that the uterine masses are (officially) not cancerous!!  I must admit that the sentence, "we will talk about the rest" does have me slightly on worried.  And then, I got a call to reschedule my 30 minute appointment to a full hour.  but now, my doctor's appointment is now less than 24 hours away and I am in this wonderful state of limbo.  It could be good (just removal of the fibroids), or it could be bad (total hysterectomy &/or cancer treatment).  I have done so good at keeping cal.  There have been minor break downs here and there, but for the most part i have remained positive and strong and flexible.  I am simply hoping that all of this positive thinking will bring a big pay-off.

Keep your fingers crossed.  I'll have an update tomorrow!