The Tyra Update

I have been Tyra free for over two months now. 

YAAAAAAAAAAY!

My favorite part: sleeping through the night without having to use the bathroom 9000 times (ok, that's  bit of an over exaggeration, but it was annoying). 

Thanks for all of your support, care packages, well-wishes, cards, conversations, help in passing the time, and love. 

The Recovery: from home

I am officially back in my own apartment!!  My post-op appointment was on Monday morning in Salem.  Bad-Ass Barbie was wonderfully happy with the outcome, my recovery, and the progress on my incision.

Tyra was just under 5" inches in diameter and a heavy little bugger!  Contrary to popular belief, she was NOT imbedded in the lining of my uterus.  Rather, she was hanging from a substantial blood supply off the front side of my uterus.  She was so big that she was hiding my uterus.  If you will remember from one of my earlier posts, Bad-Ass Barbie commented on the size of my uterus.  She did the same this appointment-but it was the opposite reaction.  Opening my up she saw that my uterus is not large like first thought...instead it's actually pretty small.

I was very lucky...the surgery that was scheduled to take about 2 1/2 hours and would leave me on the couch for weeks lasted under an hour and I was up and moving within a week.  Bad-Ass Barbie was sure that the surgery would include a lot of work to reconstruct my uterus and might leave me unable to be pregnant.  I was prepared to wake up without my reproductive system.  I was prepared to adopt all of my children.  I was prepared to find a counselor to help me deal with the potential grief i would feel when i had to give-up my dream of being pregnant and feeling my child move and grow inside me.  I got really lucky....i got to walk out of the hospital with all of my organs and dreams in tact.

At my post-op appointment, Bad-Ass Barbie signed off on my work release and set the officially set the Sarah-can-TOTALLY-go-back-to-life-date for December 1!!  Right now, i am allowed to drive and go back to school....starting December 1, I can go back to work and get back to working out.  I have been so anxious to start running again, to get back to Jillian Michaels' DVDs, and to get back on track with the weight loss journey.  I have been SO frustrated that I have been complacent and blaming Tyra for the back and forth, the up and down.  I am looking forward to get back to it.

Post-Op!

The appointment is on Monday at 9:45 am.

The healing is going really well...the tape is off, I am getting stronger, feeling better, and getting really antsy.  I have been able to take the dog on walks without wanting to pass out, do light household chores, and stay awake through the day.  There is still a weird, numb sensation around the incision and it is itching like crazy!  My doctor friend says that is a good thing, though!  I never had to take the Oxy Codone for pain (thank jeebus), as I was able to manage on the UberProphen they gave me (800mg).  My body is working hard at getting back to normal and i can tell that i am almost there!

Thanks for all of your good vibes, and support.  I have loved talking with you, reading your notes, and getting your packages...they make my days!

Tyra has left the building!!: the photos

Killing some time in the Pre-Op Room

 

Killing some more time in the Pre-Op Room

 

My Pre-Op nurse, Christie.

She tried to hook me up with the doc that she thought was going to be my Anesthesiologist.  She later learned who was actually going to be my Anesthesiologist and that he wouldn't have been my type anyways.

Anesthesiologist (L) and Bad-Ass Barbie (R)

I gave her hell for that hat....she changed it....i didn't need any bad luck in the room with me. 

And, clearly, the Anesthesiologist is not my type.

From the Recovery Couch: part 1

I am a few days out from surgery now and the recovery process is going well.  I have carved out a spot on my moms couch, stocked her kitchen with my food, and arranged my things within my reach and am prepared to heal.

I am managing my pain really well so I am not on the narcotic painkillers (thank goodness).  I was really worried about how i would react to them.  the side effects: headaches, nausea, and constipation. PASS!  I have been having enough problems regulating my digestive tract...i don't need help.  So, instead of the narcotic pain meds i am on uber-ibuprofen...advil on steroids.  It is doing the trick without doing a number on my insides. 

I have learned quite a few things about my body and just how important the core muscles are to everyday life.  having an eight inch incision in my abdominal muscles has changed my perspective on the majority of mundane, daily activities. coughing, sneezing, using the bathroom, walking, blowing my nose.....all difficult.  laughing....nearly impossible.  Luckily, there are are some things that are getting easier.  walking, getting in and out of chairs, sitting up, and stairs used to take me a long time and required a lot of time, patience, and focus.  these things are, however, getting easier each time i do them.

Some other revelations, lessons, and epiphanies so far:
- Eating swedish fish with cotton mouth is realllllly hard.
- Snuggies are wonderful.
- the blanket that kept me "safe" as a young child is still comforting.
- taking a shower is the best way to start feeling better.
- "it hurts so good" is a lie

As Simon & Garfunkle would say.....

I'm Homeward Bound!!  I just spoke with the doctor on call.  he checked me out and all is clear. 

Last night, after i took a little walk with Kristen my right arm and ribcage started feeling really sore.  When i took deep breaths in i get a sharp pain in my side and my arm is really heavy...like it is made of lead.  My nurses have been great helping me manage my pain and after listening to my lungs and feeling around, everyone, including the on-call doctor, is feeling good that my ribs are all in tact and that the soreness is from being moved and having my arm extended and secured during surgery. 

I had a lot of visitors last night!  Kristen was the first one to stop by.  She brought me some snickers and a Diet Dr Pepper....after i was wonderfully pathetic via text message.  It was so nice to have one of my besties to keep me company.  I was passed out when she got here so she sat patiently and waited for me to wake up.  As Kristen was here, Laura stopped by and we had a good conversation....we chatted about our experiences living Alliance (Kristen lived there with me our freshmen year and Laura lived there for her sophomore year...in Kristen's old room!). 

After a little bit, Laura left and my dad and step mom stopped by.....with a pound of red swedish fish!!  AWSOME!!  Kristen got to meet them and chat a little before she made her way back up North.  After Kristen left, we watched the Yankees win the world series and chatted about the surgery, the non-complications, and the recovery period.  It was really great to see them.  While they were here, I spiked a slight fever.  It took a while for it to break and go down so that got me a little freaked out, but it finally did.

Later on, Dave and Nicole came by....with an OSU snuggie!!!  It was wonderful to see them and to have a good laugh.....i hadn't had one in a while and it was so refreshing.  I can't wait to start sporting the Snggie....it will be epic.

Tyra has left the building!!

Great news friends! 

The fibroid is out and that is the only thing to be gone from my body.  My bladder and uterus are fine, surgery was nice and quick (about an hour), i am eating and drinking just fine, and the nausea is mostly non-existent.  Bad Ass Barbie is pretty hopefully that the healing will be easy and that i won't have complications during pregnancy and birth as a result of this surgery. :D

Before surgery, Bad Ass Barbie came into the pre-op room while I was using the restroom.  She was wearing a University of Oregon cap!  I guess my mom gave her some crap about it and told her that i would do the same.  Sure enough, i came back into the room, holding my IV bags in one hand and making sure my gown was together with the other, and said "Doc...i feel slightly betrayed."  We had a good laugh about it...and then she changed her cap. ;)

I just talked to the doctor on call.  He checked the surgery site, took off the dressing, stopped my morphine drip, starting some oral pain killers, and cleared me for discharge tomorrow around noon.  I am so excited to take a shower, sleep without nurses walking in and out, and eat food i want without having to order from a menu.

I am super lucky, though...my nurses have been great and I even managed to take pictures with finger mustaches!  (i'll post them when i get outta here).  Last night, one of my nurses, Olga, was taking me for a walk in the middle of SYTYCD and she got so enthralled!  it was precious.   I am so glad that we have wireless internet in the rooms so i can chat with friends, facebook, and update this sucker! There is only one awkward thing....there is a mentally unstable woman at the end of the hall who, every now and then, growls like a lion.  I have gotten used to it, however, and i am not longer startled when i wake up hearing that.

Thanks for all of your support during this whole ordeal.  I could tell that i had a community of people from around the country that were sending me love, good vibes, and positive energy my way yesterday and it was so comforting.

post-tyra!!

It's the Final Countdown!

I will be at the hospital in less than 12 hours....oy!  I got a lot done today: packing, cleaning, prepping my staff, and running errands all over town.  In all the hustle and bustle, I totally spaced school.  Crap in a bucket!  I wanted/needed to get a lot more done this weekend to get ahead, but that did not happen...at all.  Hopefully my teachers will be flexible...ugh.

In between packing and prepping, I spent some time with Dylan this weekend and it was WEIRD.  She was distant and all together uninterested.  Normally we can't keep our hands off of each other....she barely held my hand this weekend.  Our conversations were very surface level...until I had a mini meltdown.  Her mother invited herself along on nearly EVERYTHING we did.  I thought I was going to scream.  Finally, I had enough when, after we got back to her place from a Target run, after we decided we were going to take a nap, her mother got all excited about something and totally took Dylan's attention.  First off, her mother is really annoying and totally oblivious to what is going on around her.  Second, she drives me crazy.  Third, I needed some time with Dylan to talk about the weekend's weirdness.  I was entirely overwhelmed and at my breaking point.  Dylan was puttering with whatever her mother was trying to figure out and I leaned over and told her I was going to head out.  This caught her attention and after an initial calm-me-down moment we went to the other room, crawled in her bed, and stared at each other...it was obvious there was something going on for the both of us....something more than my surgery and her house. 

I don't remember who broke the tension or how the conversation started but we ended up talking about what we are doing and the direction we are headed.  I wish I remembered, in detail, more about the conversation...but what i can recount is that there was a lot of contradiction between word and action, a lot of standing up for myself, and at the end, a lot of unknown.  For a moment i thought that we were ending our....whatever we are doing....but then she leaned over to kiss me and said that I make her feel comfortable and totally free to be who she is.  In one breath she said that she spends too much time with me when she wanted to be dating and getting back in the "game."  In the next breath she asked when she could come to my mom's house to keep me company and take care of me. 

At the end of it all, I walked out of her house feeling confident that I stood up for myself yet totally confused.  I didn't have the energy, however, to try and figure it out.  Luckily, Katherine picked up her phone and she let me process. Thank God for lesbian besties.

The crappy part about it all (aside from having no idea where we stand)....we had this weird talk two days before major surgery with a recovery period that will render me incapable of doing much more than thinking about what i should have said and what she might be thinking. blech.

I'm not totally sure if I will have time to post before surgery tomorrow so if I don't here are some details...I am due at the hospital right before noon.  the actual surgery is scheduled for 2:20 PM and should take about 2 hours.  I will happily accept any positivity and good vibes you have to spare and are willing to send my way! 


Shalom!!!

The Plan: In Action

Yesterday I had my pre-op appointment with Bad Ass Barbie.  We chatted about potential damage to other organs (ovaries and bladder mainly), the potential of losing my uterus (thankfully very slim), and all of the other health concerns and stuff to take into consideration: medication modifications to level out my blood work, how my heart will/could react, what tests i need to take and labs i need to do.   I am scheduled to do blood work and labs on Monday and then need to be at the hospital by noon on Tuesday.  

Here's the part that kills me......I have to take a pregnancy test.....even though I am gay and there is no possible way for me to be accidentally pregnant.  This is a "problem" reserved for straight couples.  I wish, more than anything, that biology was on my side and my partner and I could (one day) conceive children without looking to contraptions, sperm donors, and fertility treatments.  I feel like it's almost a slap in the face to make me pee in a cup.....rub it in my face....hmm.

I will not be allowed to have surgery without the test and it's not hard to do....it's just borderline discriminatory.  It would be one thing if i said that my partner had a vasectomy or that I was on the pill and we used condoms.....all of those options fail from time to time.  lesbian sex will never make a baby.

I understand that sometimes people lie about being sexual active or contraceptives fail or people don't use it....but WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT SLEEPING WITH WOMEN?!  I understand that surgery to the uterus would not be good for a fetus....but there isn't one.

If I am pregnant we need to call the pope cause we have another immaculate conception on our hands.

UPDATE:  Officially NOT pregnant.....Shocker.

The Plan: part five (edited)

I was looking over the paperwork I was sent by my doctor last night.  Up at the top the woman who sent it all to me wrote in reminders about my pre-op appointment and surgical appointment.

Pre-Op: 10/28.
Check.

Surgery: 11/3.
WHAT!?

I had 11/11 written down.  I asked the woman I was on the phone with about five different ways to verify that we were scheduling for November 11 at 230 pm.  I planned to be gone from work and school starting the week of November 11.  My staff was prepared, my duty was covered, and my support team was in place for November 11.  SHIT.....November 3 throws more than a few kinks in the pipe.

I called Salem Hospital the next morning and chatted with a woman in Surgical Scheduling and she verified that, yup...I was on the book for Tuesday, November 3.  "I'm not sure why they told you a Wednesday. Kaiser doesn't do surgery here on Wednesdays......."  There was a horribly awkward silence and I came to understanding that I would need to be changing the plans.

so........in the morning..........i changed the plans.  Tyra Banks will be gone 8 days sooner.

A Baby Shower

I walked out of my class tonight with some friends and we started talking about the ball-of-fun and surgery.  We decided that I should have a baby shower since I am essentially having a C-Section...just minus the baby.

I think it's a great idea!!  We can play baby games, drink beer out of bottles, I can get presents, and eat cake.  I decided that it is definitely a girl.  I was brainstorming names with my car-pool buddy and decided that the ball-of-fun shall be hence forth referred to as Tyra Banks.  Why, you ask.  Well, Tyra, like the ball-of-fun, is annoying.  Similarly, they are both fierce.  I have a feeling the ball-of-fun can smile with her eyes and that she turns every conversation with my organs into a conversation about her....she is self-absorbed like that.

The Plan: part five

I got a call from surgical scheduling this morning....I am on the calendar for 11 November 2009 at 2:30 pm and I have a pre-op appointment on Oct 28.

I thought that i would be relieved to finally be on the books...but i'm not.  I'm more freaked out now.

The Plan: part four

I got an email from Bad-Ass Barbie this week. 

She doesn't have privileges at St. Vincent's or Sunnyside so it looks like i have (had) a decision to make.  Either I do surgery at Salem Hospital and deal with car-sickness whilst on pain meds to travel up to my mom's once i'm released from the hospital or Bad-Ass Barbie refers me to a doc up North. 

I chose to keep Bad-Ass Barbie and deal with the drive.

The Plan: part three

Well, cats and kittens, I have news.  It involves a lot of crossed fingers.

I was beginning to get frustrated with Bad-Ass Barbie.  She told me at my last appointment that she would be doing some research about surgical options, reproductive endocrinologists, and further tests that would be needed.  On my end I was asked to look at my schedule for the rest of 2009 and give her a time line of when i could be out.  She told me that she would get to be no later than a week out (Wednesday).  Well, Wednesday came and went.  Nothing.  I sent her the email from my end during lunch.  On my heath care's website i can see if my email messages have been read.  As of 3:00 yesterday afternoon, she had still not read my email and I had no message.  grrrr.

This morning, however, i had a notice in my email letting me know that i has a message waiting for me.  I was nervous....ready for the news...but nervous.

"Studies show better success with open procedures than laporoscopic. We will make a bikini incision and go in and remove the fibroid. I have done this type of surgery quite successfully before and look forward to getting this taken care of for you. Expect 1-2 days in the hospital, followed by 2 weeks no driving (6 weeks complete recovery). We might get you back into classes at 2-3 weeks post op but no heavy activity for 6 weeks."

OK.....lets go.  There are still a lot of logistics to figure out, though.  Can the surgery be done in the Portland area so I'm closer to my mom's house?  How the hell am I going to basically sit still for 2 weeks?!  (NO DRIVING.......ugh.)  What about work?  Who will supervise my staff, cover duty, hear my conduct meetings?  What about school?  Will my professors let me miss that many classes?  How many will i actually have to miss?

Hopefully this will be a simple procedure and nothing will be wonky.  I have been having dreams that they go to take the bag-of-fun out and find that they have to take everything out.  I know that those are just my fears talking and creeping into my brain, but it is still scary to think about.  Cross your fingers for smooth sailing!

Hopefully i will get scheduled for early November.  Before that i would have to give up my Ani DiFranco tickets (yeah right).  Much later than that and I risk not being well for Sarah's wedding (yeah right).  Cross your fingers for an appointment in Portland during the first week of November!

I will gladly be accepting visitors (and cookies).

I decided that i am going to get a "commemorative tattoo" once i am all healed....along with the visitors and cookies, any suggestions for tattoos are welcome.