It is common practice for doctors and nurses to ask how bad it hurts. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and will rarely let on that i am in pain. For example, in June I went to brunch and to see RENT with my mother a friend. My friend and i were going to car-pool from Mo-town to the cafe in Portland where we would meet my mom. When i woke up that morning i was sick to my stomach. I feel this way....mmm.....maybe once a month. I hang out with the porcelain goddess for a hot minute, get it out of my system, and walk it off. After that, i'm able to act like a normal human being. For some reason, that morning was different. I got in the car with my friend and still didnt feel right but was determined to get to breakfast (we were going to the Arleta Library Cafe after we saw a great feature on the Food Network) and see RENT. Long story short....I had to stop a few times due to a really upset stomach and shortly after our breakfast arrived at our table, I left my mom and friend to go take a quick nap in the back seat of my mom's car. We made it to the show and even though i felt a little like death, I had a great time (5th time seeing the show and we had AWESOME seats). I went back to my mom's house rather than hoofing it back to Mo-town that night and took one of the best naps i have ever had. When i woke up i still had a temperature of 103. By the end of the day, my friend was shocked at how un-phased i looked. I think she was expecting me to whine or complain. But that's not how i roll. I know that i had every option to stay home and sleep it off, but we had plans...the end.
It was this instance that made me realize how much i do NOT take care of myself. Actually, it made me realize how much i hate being taken care of or vulerable or weak. I know that if i am sick being taken care of will be more than a little difficult for me. I am so used to putting on a brave face and dealing with "it."
Yesterday i was having the worst cramps of my life. I get pretty bad cramps every month (even though i generally don't have a period); i would say between a 7.5 and 8.5 on the pain scale. I take a few advil and continue the daily business. Yesterday was different. These were the normal monthly cramps but with a twist. It felt like there was an alien trying to cut itself out of my body. I wanted to trow up, scream, and pass out all in the same breath. My mom and I went to see Julie & Julia at the local theatre and all the way through i was hurting. I had to do some breathing exercises to help calm myself down and bring in some positive energy. On our way home i was pinching my self to try and distract myself. Finally, i couldn't deal with it anymore....i started crying. The pain was definately at a 9.5 or 10. There is no exaggeration....it was the worst pain i have EVER been in. My mom, shocked i think, just kept driving and let me have a moment.
"Don't worry, Honey," she said. "It will get taken care of soon."
I was driving back to Mo-town and thought about why i was suddenly in such a different pain. I have a few thoughts. First, the 4.5 ball-of-fun is starting to attack my insides and my body is fighting back. I was imagining a war inside my uterus with my organs and other insides turning into cartoon characters with really great accents. I imagined the ball-of-fun sporting a 1980's hair-do, german accent, and cigarette saying things like "i like eet ere....i zink i vill mofe in." My uterus is transformed into Chris Rock and is screaming at the ball-of-fun; "Bitch, this apartment is NOT for rent. Does it look like i need roommates? i sure as fuck don't. now...get the hellllll outta here." My ovaries are just sitting up there, stoned, trying to make intelligable contributions to the conversation. Instead, they are just giggling and making plans to walk to Taco Bell for a grande soft taco, nachos, dr. pepper, and 87 order of cinna-twists. My second thought is that the new medications are intensifying the pain this month. My hope is that this won't be every month because i refuse to turn into a stereotypical 1950's teenager with a note to get out of gym class. (FYI body, I am in charge of you....not the other way around.) My third thought is that the stress of the past month is finally catching up with me and my emotions are officially manifesting themselfs as physical pain. My fourth, final, and most drastic thought is that something's going wrong. I think i like option one the best. It's at least the most entertaining.
No comments:
Post a Comment