The good

Although i have been writing about the hard things in life for the past month, there has been a lot of good.  One of the highlights is the new person i am dating.  For know, we will call her Dylan.

Living in Mo-town has made "getting out there" next to impossible.  I am horrible in a bar setting and suck at feeling confident enough to flirt when I feel like I am in a meat market.  I had quite a few friends meet great people through on-line dating sites (see this blog) and decided to give it a try.  After a few months of going through profiles and "meeting" women that never emailed back, Dylan came across my homepage and i was taken by her smile.  We emailed for a few weeks when i gave her my phone number and we started talking throughout the day.  Then we decided to put faces to names and we went for a late dinner in Portland in late July.  I was BEYOND nervous......my stomach was in knots, i couldn't concentrate, i was positive i was going to make an ass of myself.  She was charming, funny, uncensored, and easy to talk to.  When the check came i asked how we wanted to cover the tab.  She looked at me and said "How about i get this and you do next time."  She walked me to my car, gave me a hug goodbye, and we made plans to talk later in the week.

About a month later I am glad to report that things are still going well with Dylan.  I have met her dogs, friends, and mom.  We have spent weekends together.  She drives me crazy (in a fantastic way).  Both of us are quite wary about jumping in and doing the typical "lesbian thing"....no U-Hauling for these kids.  We are taking things slow....making sure that there is a foundation of friendship and respect before we get committed.  Last weekend I filled her in with all of the ball-of-fun stuff, had a mini-meltdown, and felt safe enough to let her witness the tears and worries come out.  Even though i was horribly embarrassed about crying in front of her, i was so glad that it didn't freak her out.  We have talked about hard things from our pasts, the baggage we bring, and what we want in our lives.  we've talked about gender, education, politics, family, society, entertainment, food.....it feels like everything.  she makes me laugh so hard that i have to pee, likes when i sing, lets me vent and process, and has very sincere eyes.

It is my hope that we will continue seeing each other that will keep our momentum as we move forward.  cross your fingers for positive updates!