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One reason why i heart Weezer.

Complementary Colors

It has been (roughly) a month since Dylan and I went on our first date.  Things have been going well....really well.  I know that her last relationship didn't end well and she is wary about losing herself in a new relationship.  I get that.  A while back she asked what I was looking for....ultimately.  I said something jumbled and awkward in an attempt to sound cool and collected and sure.

What i was able to put together AFTER that conversation is that I want my partner and I to complement each other like colors.  I want to stand shoulder to shoulder with the person that will help me find center, be the calm to balance my chaos; be the blue to my orange.  I want us to be awesome in ourselves and extra awesome together.  I want to bask in my warm tones, celebrate her cool hues, and have more colors to paint with when we are working together.  Basically...I want us to have our independent lives that are more fun and more full because we get to share them with each other.  I don't need to share every hobby.  Have nights with your friends....I'll have time with mine...but lets plan dinner with everyone too.

One of the songs on heavy rotation on my iPod lately, Not the Doctor by Alanis Morrisette, makes me think about that conversation......"I believe that 1 + 1 = 2."  No matter what happens, i refuse to leave Sarah behind.  The last time i was in a committed relationship, i forgot who i was; i compromised my vision. 

I am walking into Fall Training and opening....ie: the busiest time of year at work.  Looking at my September the reality is that seeing Dylan is going to be fairly tricky.  I am more than willing to put in the effort...but i wonder if she is.  This weekend i think we are going to be re-visiting the "what are we" conversation.  I am willing to be patient...but i refuse to be strung a long.  I hope that there is momentum behind our nightly conversations, weekends together, and comfortable silence.

Wish me luck!

Making it work

I re-hydrated a bunch of garbanzo beans last night and was determined to make something delicious and new for dinner tonight.  But, i got tired and lazy and settled on throwing together a hummus.  I have missed being able to grab a quick snack in the middle of the day that is low in points, totally satisfying, delicious, and (most importantly) easy!  I made a roasted garlic and spinach hummus a while ago and LOVED it.  Tonight, however, I had no spinach in my fridge.  On top of that, I am low on oil, out of lemons, didnt feel like roasting garlic, and craving some spice. so i had to make it work.

Enter.....Salsa.

People.....this is one of my best finds of the year (and Weight Watchers journey). I added salt, fresh garlic, red pepper flakes, a fresh red pepper, a little oil, and spoonfuls of salsa into the food processor and let the machine did the work.  It is AWESOME!!!

Leaving my Mark

Today i went to the OSU challenge course to participate in my first training and get some hours in for my internship.  It was great!  I got to participate in the activities and thought of many ways to incorporate new activities into fall training.  The other people at the training have been working at the challenge course longer than me (obviously).  Some of them have made the gig with the challenge course part of their livelihood and supplement their income by facilitating ropes courses and teambuilding events.  It was wonderful to learn modifications, tricks, and good one-liners from them.  There were also people there who are newer members of the challenge course team.  I felt like even though i didn't go through the training that they went through in June, I was on-par with them.

I relied a lot on my knowledge of student development theory to frame questions and bring perspective and insight about the group we were preparing for.  I felt like i had a bit of a leg up on thanks to my job and my grad program.  I felt a bit like a broken record, but it was nice to be looked to for answers.  It was one of the first moments that I owned my "expertise."  In many respects i still feel a little new and often doubt my experience.  I'm not quite sure when that feeling will subside and when i will confident enough.  I'm also not quite sure why i don't feel confident now.  I am going into my fourth year as a student affairs professional, I have a wide range of experiences from various institutions, I have nearly completed my degree, I have participated and presented at national conferences, I have.....no reason to doubt myself.  yet, here i am....wondering when i am going to be "enough."

The nice thing about being at the challenge course today was that I could really see myself using this Internship to frame the rest of my career in higher ed.  I have dreamed for a while now about reforming education.  Whenever someone asks me what i want to do after graduate school my gut reaction is to say "Change the World."  Honestly, that IS what i want to do.  I want to explore new methods of higher education that marries traditional educational goals with alternative methods like outdoor education,  service-learning, and living-learning communities.  I would love to get rid of traditional classrooms.  i would love to abolish the school of thought that says the only valuable learning is that done is done though lecture and out of books.  What about the students that don't learn that way?!  Who ever said that is THE way to learn?  There is too much research identifying multiple intelligences (what kind of learner are you?) and learning styles to believe that the traditional lecture-based educational practices are still effective and practical.

I will change the world someday.....I not be able to un-do hundreds of years of American education, but i will leave my mark.

The Plan: part two

Last night when i got home from work i was talking to dylan, chatting about the day and started getting nervous about the appointment this morning.  She said, "i'm ordering thai food....come over."  Even though it is a bit of a trip up to her house, getting distracted for the evening sounded perfect.  I was right.  a big bowl of yellow curry, puppies, watching a baseball game and lounging with Dylan was the greatest way to zone out and focus on the good in life.  This morning, Dylan made me a massive cup of coffee, walked me to my car, kissed me on my forehead and promised that everything would be ok. "Even if it's not," she said, "at least you will know what's next."  (she's a keeper, right?!)

The drive down to Salem was smooth and quick.  I listened to my new favorite song (Count to Ten by Tina Dico) about 97 times.  I had my notebook with questions written out, a magazine for the waiting room, and i was wearing the comfiest clothes i could find.  I checked in, got all settled in the waiting room, and was so glad to only have to wait about five minutes before hearing my name.  When the doc came in i was glad to see that she was not in bubble-gum pink this time.  Today, it was head to toe baby blue with her name beautifully embroidered on her shirt pocket.  She sat down, looked at me quite sincerely and said with a tinge of shock in her voice, "well, you have a massive thing in you!"  I made a few jokes about it and then she asked me if i wanted to ever be pregnant.  I didn't think that i would cry, but hearing her ask that question made the possibility that it might not ever happen for me more real and i got a little choked up.  The doc quickly assured me that she had no reason to think i would lose any of my ability to be pregnant but that delivery might, depending on how things go, be a little more difficult, but not impossible. 

The plan, upon walking out of the office, is to get these suckers out of me.  The doc could not tell from the ultrasound images how the fibroids (mainly the big one) are attached to my uterus.  There are a few options.  The best possible situation would be that they are growing like a pumpkin with a stalk coming from my uterus and then growing into rounds.  If this is the case, the fibroids can be removed (most likely) laparoscopically giving me a recovery time of about one week!!  But, if they are growing like bubbles from a bubble wand, they will (most likely) need to be removed with some more invasive surgery including uterine reconstruction if necessary.  This option will leave me with a recovery time of about 6 weeks and i will be risking damage to my uterus and might lose the chance to be pregnant.

Right now, the next step is to get referred to a reproductive endocrinologist to discuss options and schedule surgery.  My doc is fairly positive that since this is not an emergency (thank goodness), i won't get in before 8 weeks from now.  Hopefully the ball-of-fun doesn't grow too much more and i can continue to manage the pain and discomfort until then.