It's the Final Countdown!

I will be at the hospital in less than 12 hours....oy!  I got a lot done today: packing, cleaning, prepping my staff, and running errands all over town.  In all the hustle and bustle, I totally spaced school.  Crap in a bucket!  I wanted/needed to get a lot more done this weekend to get ahead, but that did not happen...at all.  Hopefully my teachers will be flexible...ugh.

In between packing and prepping, I spent some time with Dylan this weekend and it was WEIRD.  She was distant and all together uninterested.  Normally we can't keep our hands off of each other....she barely held my hand this weekend.  Our conversations were very surface level...until I had a mini meltdown.  Her mother invited herself along on nearly EVERYTHING we did.  I thought I was going to scream.  Finally, I had enough when, after we got back to her place from a Target run, after we decided we were going to take a nap, her mother got all excited about something and totally took Dylan's attention.  First off, her mother is really annoying and totally oblivious to what is going on around her.  Second, she drives me crazy.  Third, I needed some time with Dylan to talk about the weekend's weirdness.  I was entirely overwhelmed and at my breaking point.  Dylan was puttering with whatever her mother was trying to figure out and I leaned over and told her I was going to head out.  This caught her attention and after an initial calm-me-down moment we went to the other room, crawled in her bed, and stared at each other...it was obvious there was something going on for the both of us....something more than my surgery and her house. 

I don't remember who broke the tension or how the conversation started but we ended up talking about what we are doing and the direction we are headed.  I wish I remembered, in detail, more about the conversation...but what i can recount is that there was a lot of contradiction between word and action, a lot of standing up for myself, and at the end, a lot of unknown.  For a moment i thought that we were ending our....whatever we are doing....but then she leaned over to kiss me and said that I make her feel comfortable and totally free to be who she is.  In one breath she said that she spends too much time with me when she wanted to be dating and getting back in the "game."  In the next breath she asked when she could come to my mom's house to keep me company and take care of me. 

At the end of it all, I walked out of her house feeling confident that I stood up for myself yet totally confused.  I didn't have the energy, however, to try and figure it out.  Luckily, Katherine picked up her phone and she let me process. Thank God for lesbian besties.

The crappy part about it all (aside from having no idea where we stand)....we had this weird talk two days before major surgery with a recovery period that will render me incapable of doing much more than thinking about what i should have said and what she might be thinking. blech.

I'm not totally sure if I will have time to post before surgery tomorrow so if I don't here are some details...I am due at the hospital right before noon.  the actual surgery is scheduled for 2:20 PM and should take about 2 hours.  I will happily accept any positivity and good vibes you have to spare and are willing to send my way! 


Shalom!!!

Glitches....or not

This past weekend Dylan and I got to spend some quality time reconnecting, remembering each other, and having an all together good time.  I was sad to be missing a house-warming party for some friends in Missoula (love you, Grubers!!)...pending hospital bills are putting a stop on the majority of spending right now...oy.  I was also sad that putting a halt on that trip meant that I didn't get to introduce Dylan to the Framily. 

I wish that i could say that this weekend was full of fire works and bells and whistles...but it wasn't.  Drama and show is not really how either Dylan or I roll.  Rather, this weekend was full of ordinary things and finding chances to flirt and talk and laugh throughout.  Friday night we went to dinner and her bowling league.  I brought my computer with me for the weekend because i A) didn't know what my plans were beyond Friday night (I was hoping they included seeing Dylan more, but we had never talked about plans beyond Friday night and Saturday morning); and B) had a crap-ton of homework.  While she and her team bowled, i sat above the lanes and focused on my writing.  I made sure to watch her every time she was up but was mostly focused on getting a chunk of work done so that i would be free for whatever happened for the rest of the weekend.  I could see the guys she bowls with giving her a hard time about bringing a girl bowling and i loved watching her blush.  In between each frame we would flirt, make eyes at each other, and snuggle a little in public...it was refreshing to know that it was hard for her to keep her hands off of me and it was reassuring to know that the glitches i was feeling were only there because of the time we had been apart.

The rest of the weekend was AWESOME!!  We did things for her new house, i got some more homework done, we had good conversation, spent time catching up and laughed a lot.  It was nice to hug her and snuggle and feel her hands on the small of my back.  It felt so good to have her hands back in mine, to look into her beautiful brown eyes, and to get kisses on my neck.  It was comforting to hear her tell me that she thinks i'm sexy, to have her ask me when she gets to see me next, to hate to watch me walk away.

Tonight, I asked Dylan to go to a show with me this weekend...I wanted to take her out on a date.  She's not much of a show person but, in her words, "for you, i would go."  I took the opportunity to ask her to go to Ani on October 23 with me instead of the show this weekend.  She obliged..."i would love to go with you."  Along with seeing Ani, she is going to be meeting some of the Framily!  yaaay!!  I am super excited for the show and for Kristen and Aliesje to meet her.  I am excited to take her on a date, to spoil her a little, and to have a great weekend before Tyra Banks comes out (37 days and counting!).

Wedding Bells!!

Wedding bells seem to be following me.  These bells are not for me (cause it's not legal), but for some of my dearest friends.

Kristen is one of my college buds, a member of the framily (you know,friends that turn into your family).  She sent me a text message last night with a picture of a beautiful ring on her hand with the words "I'm engaged!!!"  I am so excited for her party and for her marriage.  Moose is a great man and will be a great husband and partner for her.

Sarah is truly my other half.  She is getting married on New Year's in Phoenix.  I tried on the dress that I am wearing to her party this morning and i noticed how wonderful it twirls.  For Sarah, a dress is only worthy of wear if it twirls right.  Sarah lets me bring out my really really girly side and i love that about her.  Chris, her fiance (pronounced in "Sarah" as f-eye-awnce), is funny, serious, driven, supportive, and truly keeps Sarah grounded.

Jennie, another college bud, married the man of her dreams this past May.  From them moment we met Jason, we (the framily) knew that Jason was Jennie's match.  Her wedding was in Missoula and brought the framily together from all over the country....a weekend needed indeed!

Jenny (AKA Barney), a friend from high school, got married to a wonderful man earlier this year.  Rick is pretty much a male-version of Barney and it is a riot to watch them together.  They laugh like it's their job, love their children fiercely, and truly honor and respect each other.  They are going to be great role models for their babies and i know they will build a strong family.  

Basically, i am so happy from my friends and can not wait to watch your lives as couples unfold.